Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Plenty To Tell

...little time to do it in! Watch this space! :-D

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Caffeine Bomb!

Eyes dried tight gotta get myself together
need a kickstart cocktail, ten percent coffee
with a high rise family size, guaranteed to catonize
the little bit of brain I got a-hanging on from last night

I need a double take, a-just to get awake
to try and counteract the hollow feeling nature makes
it's gonna work a treat, gonna get me on my feet
it's a teasing little tonic with a kick like a mule and a skip on the beat

It ain't right, it ain't wrong, I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
too sweet, a-too strong, I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
I need a bomb, I need a ca-ca-ca-ca-caffeine bomb

Overdo the sugar and the coffee and the whiskey
in my biggest mug 'til the varnish starts to melt
I gotta wake up shake any webbing I'm a-shedding
any grogginess I felt before I sweated all the poison from my body to my quilt

and it's been too long, I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
what a buzz, what a song, I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
I need a bomb, I need a ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-caffeine bomb

hangover, so hung over, pour me a doctor, send it over
something that'll stop my legs from shaking, something that'll stop my head from aching
hangover, so hung over, breath of a juiced up holy roller pounding

baby can't you see I shitting brown water
well it's a case of easy come and easy go
I need a caffeine bomb to wake me in the morning
I need a caffeine bomb to get me to the show
oh no, I think I'm gonna throw (bleurgh!)

hands all sticky and I'm spilling all the whiskey on
myself, my friends, my dog, my floor, my God, my head feels like something crawled inside it
and the medicine I ordered should be kicking any second and I gotta be getting me more

a-let's go, let's get it on, I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
Faye Wray, King Kong, I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
I need a bomb, I need a caffeine bomb
I need a bomb, I need a ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-caffeine bomb

Over The Hump!

Officially halfway through the working week - affectionately known as 'Hump Day' to some (sounds suggestive but it's perfectly innocent!)

I'm also in much better spirits than yesterday, thanks to the support of Markebloke and my lovely friends. He went to the match with his Mum

(we're all Nottingham Forest fans, for our sins! Lost 4-2 to Watford last night!)

though gave me lots of cuddles and fuss when he got back

(if I sound like a particularly needy rescued moggy after reading that, you're not far off the mark!)

In my few hours of being home alone, I surfed the web and watched the same episode of Eastenders twice....productive human being that I am! I managed not to binge on junk food mind you, plus had a really good chat with a friend I'd not seen for a week.

For your amusement, I include below some of the truly dodgy jokes I asked to be sent to cheer me up yesterday.

Thanks to the good folk of the Weight Watchers NCU board, My Dad and my Weight Watchers email buddies for these!

Jonathan Ross has been arrested for stealing kitchen equipment, when questioned he said it was a "whisk" he had to take!!!

Man and woman having sex in a dark forest..after 15 minutes the man jumps up and says

"Damn i wish i had a flash light!!"

"So do i says" the woman "You've been licking the grass for the last 10 minutes.."

A woman calls her husband into the bedroom -

"Now Mike, I want you 2 take off my blouse!!"

"Good" she says " Now take off my bra!"

"Good!" she says "Now will u take off my panties?"

"Good" she says.."Now if i catch u wearing them again ur in trouble.."

Q: Why do trees smell in autumn? '
A: Cos the leaves blow off

Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A Cloud!

Q: What goes zub zub zub?
A: A bee flying backwards!

Q: What do you give a poorly pig?
A: Oinkment!

I love jokes, the sillier the better. I've definitely inherited my Dad's sense of humour in that respect!

I'm definitely off to the gym this evening...quite looking forward to it after a week of setbacks. My third weigh in is tomorrow and whether I lose or stay the same, I'm just going to take it on the chin and accept it. I've been reading some really inspiring blogs from people who have more to lose than me and now feel utterly determined.

Nothing more to follow that with...but watch this space! :-D

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

We're always our parents' babies....

...I honestly believe that.

It used to be the bane of my life when I was younger. I definitely fitted the 'Teen from Hell' category...petulant, gothic with a hint of grunge, angst ridden and pretentious. I hated living in my hometown in the South Wales valleys. To me, Aberdare was the ulimate hicksville and made only for coming from. I was forever running away to cities, squatting with Crusties, Animal Rights Campaigners and other Subverts in Bristol on one life-changing, eye opening occasion. I spent New Years Eve 96/97 squatting in a derelict off license in Port Talbot after taking up with another wrong 'un

(An alcoholic Mummy's boy 20 years and 20 days my senior...a story for another day!)

Those are just two of my exploits...basically I put them through the mill. And down the pit and over the ironworks!

Over time I met many lost souls, heard sad stories of broken down families and what happens when people are cast/cast themselves out to drift. I'm very, very lucky in as much as my family accepted me home when I finally wised up and as I got a bit older, we forged a good relationship.

We accept each others' faults

(though I strongly suspect my Dad would have killed for two normal kids in the place of the punky, pierced tattooed freaks he got in my brother and I!)

and realise that the four of us are human first, Mum/Dad/Big Sister/Kid Brother second. Times have changed: Dad's retired and had a health scare last year (a stroke which has left him blind in one eye) Mum has retrained and now manages a team within the hospital wing of Cardiff Prison. My brother is now a Dad and works part time as a Fire Fighter (following in our Dad's footsteps in yet another way, though Dad was full time for over 30 years)

And me? I fell wildly, madly and hopelessly in love with a Glam Punk artist I met online in Jan 2008. After doing the long distance relationship thing for a few months, I decided to move from Wales to Nottingham as being without him made my heart ache. I was still running back then, but now I'm able to come to a stop. He has given me his love, his company in the good times, his support in the bad...he's still the only person who has ever had the guts to suggest where I was coming unstuck and making my mental health problems worse. We love each other madly, care deeply for one and other and clash wildly on occasion...I have never felt as strongly for anyone in my adult life and he says the same to me. I have grown up and am living my life a whole country away from my family. There are times I get homesick and miss them keenly: I get home to see family and friends as often as I can. What puzzles me is why I hurt so badly that they've never visited me in Nottingham.

Whilst I appreciate they have busy lives, sometimes I really wish they would take me up on my invitation to visit and have us show them where we live. Today in particular, I've got the blues and I'm feel grotty as hell. Mother nature's been with the monthly gift, and I've somehow picked up a tummy bug. Double Whammy! Spent almost an hour this morning locked in the toilet, genuinely worried to leave and go back to my desk. Work are spectacularly unsympathetic on these matters just took some immodium and nurofen hoping for the best! Though the trots have slowed to a grind, my face is burning, I ache all over and I want my Mum!

I wonder if everyone feels that way from time to time? After all, my paternal Grandmother told me every time she felt ill she still wanted her Mam. I can't imagine my own Mum wanting her's...my Maternal Grandmother is an oddly emotionless strange woman.. It makes me wonder if I am being demanding, childish. I wonder why she doesn't visit, whether there is a hidden reason. Whether it's something I did or didn't.

I wish I could stop these unwanted thoughts and unanswered questions crowding me. There's things to do...though I could sleep for hours.

Need to pull myself from under this, I can feel myself getting crushed.

Monday, 17 August 2009

The Cramps, Pin Up Girls and all things Rock and Roll!

Well...shit...another weekend over in two shakes of a lamb's tail!

The week begins and its back to the place of too many Chiefs and not enough Indians. Happy Joy...

My Burlesque class on Friday evening was a fabulous experience. It was just...lovely. A fantastic end to a trying week. Walking in was rather nerve racking. It was held on the 2nd floor of a modern but old school ritzy casino...I felt a few sets of eyes upon me as I descended the staircase in my rock and roll garb of leopard print jeans, homemade ACDC vest and black leather jacket! I was even more uneasy when I saw an absolutely stunning black lady with endless legs and her curvaceous friend waiting outside, but at least glad of someone to walk into class with! Inside we were greeting by the voluptuous and utterly fabulous Ruby. She immediately put me at ease, despite my having forgotten my high heels! Her CV is truly impressive...she is a Burlesque performer, founder of Ruby's Emporium on the web and a businesswoman who travels the world (but never has to carry her own luggage thanx to her feminine wiles!)

She's also down to earth and great fun...over the course of the class we learned -

Two walks - The Femme Fatale and The Coquette

(I gravitate towards the femme fatale strut naturally, the Monroe-esque coquette is going to take more practice!)

How to move our hands gracefully (movements come from the wrist) and what to do with our feet (a basic salsa box step or Charleston movements work best)

The different ways to wiggle those hips!

Followed by the secrets of a successful shimmy, leading to the knowledge of how to twirl them tassels....

How to put together a home routine using a chair as a prop...along with the techniques of sexy and safe striptease!

I've definitely got the Burlesque bug following that little lot! I've been praticising my femme fatale walk at home, my steps and movements and even had a bit of a twirl around in my new swimsuit for Blokie! Of which he was extremely appreciative :-D

There's hopefully going to be a monthly class following on...if not, I'm going look for an Oriental dance/bellydancing class. I've wanted to take part in dance classes for upwards of a decade...at the tender age of 31 I'm finally making a start! I've always loved dancing, but got picked on terribly for my dancing efforts at the local disco aged 14. I used to make the mistake of following the words and not the beat, to disasterous results! It kind of haunted me, but when I started going out to the indie and rock clubs of Cardiff I actually started to get compliments about my dancing and I grew in confidence. If nothing else, it makes a change from the gym.

Burlesque has this image of being "Middle Class Stripping", which I think is undeserved. Historically, it has working class roots...but what most appeals to me is that it involves comedy and a good routine always incorporates a story. I feel that it celebrates the female body, it provides a chance to look and feel great. I've also had an interest in pin up art and 50s Americana for a long while...the 50s and 70s are my two favourite decades for style (musically it's anything from the 1940s to the present day) I definitely feel that there's a line between sensuality and sleaziness...current trends seem to be for aping 80s Glam days where sexism was rife and it was cool to be a bimbo. Though I love some of the bands of those days, I find myself having to separate the music from the 'personalities' behind it...Motley Crue are a great point to cite. I recently watched a DVD with Blokie and one of our friends. I found myself loving the music but having to leave the room whenever one of the band spoke

(Sample dialogue...interviewer to Vince Neil

"What is the great mystery of women?"

Vince Neil to Interviewer

"The phantom fish in the gusset?")

There is an abundance of beautiful women in the circles I move in and the places I go to in Nottingham...one particular night, Wildside, employs platform dancers. I know one or two of them to speak to, they're gorgeous and great girls. Not bitchy, definitely not stupid and very down to earth. I've never wanted that for myself though...I've always wanted to call the tune they all dance to. I really enjoyed my DJ-ing stint at Trashstock last week. It wasn't perfect but for a first try I think I did well. I've got the enthusiasm and rock n roll knowledge in spades! Like drummers or those who play electric double bass, you see far too few girl DJs... I confess, now I am older there is something about competing with the boys that really appeals to me! At last I have come to the conclusion I don't need to go out and get drunk or take drugs just to feel comfortable in my own skin. I wish I'd know this years ago, back when I thought simply bagging a man at the end of the night made me attractive!

The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully enough...we're in the process of enhancing our L'il Rock n Roll Palace by decorating the kitchen in 50s diner style. We've been blaring out the tunes to help us along, and have taken a shine to The Dictators, a New York band who existed around the time of The Ramones. My favourite band right now though is The Cramps...Beats From Badsville hasn't been off the little stereo in our room :-D

I've begun to work out a routine to Supergoo involving a 50s bathing suit and a hula hoop...good clean fun!

I visited a Weight Watchers class on Saturday morning and had gained 2lbs...I know why though. I'd had a funny week emotions wise and couldn't stop comfort eating. I fell off plan completely, ate so much junk and felt physically unwell a couple of days. Just made me think, is the junk food worth it? I've been better this weekend and am determined not to let the b*stards get me down any longer! I'd planned an hour in the gym after work, but will have to settle for 30 mins at lunch now as my travel card has gone belly up and I have to go to town after work to sort it.

Like Tyla once said

"How come it never rains, it only pours..."

I'm determined this week is gonna be a good one...Look Out World: Cherry Bomb's Explodin!

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Throwin' (Cherry!) Stones...

...to get your attention!

Now I have it, may I just say a quick Howdy...my name's Em and I am a Glam Welsh Punk residing in the East Midlands.

Things I Love...

Rock/Punk/Rockabilly/Glam music

Animals (Particularly obsessed with cats of all sizes, dogs - in particular Alaskan Malamutes, St Bernards, terriers, Bassett Hounds...meerkhats, bears, wolves, monkeys, pigs....oh just about anything!)

Random and eclectic styles of clothing. TUK Shoes are an obsession right now. Corsets and all lingerie too, of course!

Cosmetics, hairdye, tattoos, piercings....you know, anything that sets us apart!

DJ-ing (My first stint was last Saturday and I loved it!)

Burlesque (I go to a beginners class tomorrow night!)


British Comedy...Monty Python, Ade Edmunson and Rik Mayall, Stephen Fry, The Mighty Boosh, Peter Kay and Bill Bailey being best points to cite!

Things I hate...





British/Worldwide Politics

Swimming in Chav infested waters

Other stuff about me...I have a skull-crushingly boring job, but it keeps me grounded (and housed!), I love horror films and books (more about that at a later date!) I'm following Weight Watchers' Discover plan as I have about 12lbs to lose. I suffer with anxiety and depression, so am up and down like a newlywed's nightie at times, but hope I don't let it run my life.

Expect to see a bit of everything on this blog...I'm that kinda person!